A carrot shaped like...what exactly?

No turnips here shaped exactly like a thingy, but we have pulled out some extraordinarily shaped carrots. They look like they changed their mind half way and started growing in the opposite direction.

Dr Livingstone thinks the ground is probably too hard and they're having trouble  moving in the right direction.

Headline hegemony

One of the national newspapers had me chuckling away again on Monday.

Three headlines on their online edition had randomly found their way next to each other.

They read: 

1) 'War agains sexual violence upped'

2) 'German bomber fished out of the Channel'

3) 'Delays possible for those who leave with airplane'

Freud would have had a field day.

Pontiff vacancy

Pope retires ... not yet

The pope announced his retirement last week.
But no time to waste to follow up on other interests he never had time to pursue.
Pope Benedictus XVI has been confirmed for a part in the upcoming sequel to The Three Amigos.

Uncle Dicky under a car park

I saw the live broadcast of the announcement of the body under the car park being that of Richard III yesterday through the BBC live stream. 
It is true, the only thing I could think of was that Blackadder episode The Foretelling.

"My arms will end up at Essex, my torso in Norfolk, and my genitalia
stuck up a tree somewhere in Rutland."

"and my uncle under a car park in Leicester".

Le Déménagement

Here's an idea for a French movie rooted in reality: 

The Title: 'Le Déménagement' and will be in theatres across Europe in 2013.

The Plot: A wealthy French couple, the Dépardots, played by Gérard Dépardieu  and Brigitte Bardot, are hounded by the French State's tax department and collectors (Pierre Richard). Their close friend and President of the French Republic (played by Daniel Autieul)  is -because of political pressure- not able to help them and advises them to move to Belgium to avoid paying huge amounts of money. 

They end up buying a house in a sleepy Belgian village called Estaimpuis. What seems like a simple moving of house quickly turns into chaos as they encounter the mayor of Estaimpuis (Benoit Poelvoorde) and a former Russian hitman (Jean Reno) trying to persuade them to assume the Russian nationality.

120 mins. Mrs B Productions.

Cast: Brigitte Bardot, Gérard Dépardieu, Jean Reno, Benoit Poelvoorde, Daniel Auteuil, Pierre Richard.
Rating: PG

No points for guessing what it's supposed to be

Middle and Youngest Teen™ are here to celebrate Dr Livingstone's fiftieth this weekend.
They've finally shied away from their quit selves and turned up with a special comedy frying pan.

Hilarity ensued this morning when the suggestive eggs were on the plates and we started to set the table.
Needless to say the vegetarian Teen was not going to have Cock's Fresh with suggestive sized eggs.
Even if it had two yokes in the right place.

'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

Another gem of a picture concerning the installation of telephone wires in the Belvedere in Vatican City in 1930.
My guess is this is at the Cortile or the beginning of the Galleria delle Statue. I think those iron gates are still there but I could be very wrong. I didn't find any pictures of the mounted figure on horse back behind the men posing for the picture, and there are stairs where (I think) the statue could have been.

According to the Vatican Telephone Service the first central telephone exchange, donated by the American Catholics in 1930, was installed in the Belvedere building and provided telephone services for approximately 360 end users; it remained in use until 1960 when it was replaced by a Pentaconta exchange with a capacity of 1,500 numbers later extended to 3,000.

My source specificies there was approximately 80.000 meters of cable involved, connecting 400 telephone sets, but expandable up to 800. The telephone exchange was consecrated by the Pope on the 19th November 1930.
The Bell Telephone Rotary-system was state of the art at the time.
You could: 1) dial a direct phone set inside the Vatican
2) get a connection with any phone with only two numbers
3) get an automatic connection with someone in Rome by just dialling the number and adding a "0" in front for an external line
4) Answer calls from outside the Vatican at a post with 2 (!) seating areas and
5) priority for some telephone sets for emergencies and important calls.

Here's Pope Pius XI sitting next to his gold-inlayed Bell telephone.

Which reminds me of a Jewish joke I read somewhere:
A leading Israeli Rabbi had a meeting with the Pope. While negotiating a papal visit to The Holy Land, the Rabbi noticed a distinctive red phone on the Pope’s desk.
The Rabbi asked what the phone was for. The Pope explained that it’s a direct line to God.
The Rabbi asked if he could test it, and the pope replied, “Of course, but you should leave one-hundred dollars for the call.” The Rabbi thanked him and used the phone.
A few months later, the Pope was visiting Israel as they had planned, and he made sure to make a stop to visit his new Rabbi friend. While talking, the Pope noticed a red phone on the Rabbi’s desk.
The Pope asked, “Is that what I think it is?”
The Rabbi said, “Of course.”
The Pope asked if he could test the phone, and the Rabbi said that he could but that he needed to leave fifty cents for the call.
The Pope was surprised: “You use my phone to God and I ask you to leave $100; but when I use your phone to God I am to leave only $0.50. Why is that?”
The Rabbi smiled, “From here it’s a local call.”

King of Belgium and Nightmares

A striking picture in some online national newspaper of Albert II, King of the Belgians.
Has he been taking lessons in posing for pictures? I seem to recall an eerily similar pose adopted by Freddy Krueger of Nightmare on Elm Street fame.
They might be related. I think we should be told.

Educational Mainwaring

I couldn't quite put my finger on it all week, but while watching a Best of Dad's Army DVD it finally dawned on me.
One of my professors (and I'm not naming names) has an uncanny resemblance to Captain Mainwaring of Dad's Army fame.
They might be related. I think we should be told.

Belgium Bastards

Right. I will commence blogging once more. I have just had a 5 day visit from my 83 year old grandmother.
I though she would only stay 2 or 3 days tops, but she stayed almost a full week.
Maybe she misunderstood me when I said I'd be in Belgium from the 11th 'till the 16th; it implied she could pick some dates in between those days. I had to work anyways, except on Monday.
So when she rang me up to confirm whether or not she'd be coming two weeks ago she said: 'Right. So I'll be staying with you from the 11th up until Saturday.'

I could hardly tell her she couldn't stay that long. She wasn't any trouble really, except when she fell over in the middle of the night and I had to pick her up. I had already, as a precaution, removed all possible tripping obstacles. And there are no stairs in the house she could fall off. But she still managed to stub her toe on something and tumble over in the bathroom.

She even accompanied me to the workshop in the morning. On the way there I bought her a newspaper, which she read back to front. Even the street where I live was in the paper on Wednesday due to some vandals spray painting over some roadsigns and a toad. Honestly. Must be those groups of children camping here.

Anyway, granny got on with Mouser like a house on fire. On Friday I brought her home around midday and planted her in the garden. When I got back from work Mouser was lying next to her in the shade, keeping an eye on things.

Sometimes she's very funny, in a Blackadder-sense: being old and annoying people by pretending to be deaf. She's not deaf, really. Her daughter (my mother) insisted she'd wear hearing aids. So she went and bought them. She just pretends she can't hear 'your mother's whining and moaning'.
Sometimes she's very annoying. And blatently racist. Like out in the open. Like pointing to black people and then (in a very loud voice) hurling abuse at them in the most appalling. Then I try to navigate her away from the people she is focussing on.
Not very easy as she's a very slow walker, so I tend to spin her around so she's facing the other way.
Depending on which group she concentrates on she either calls them spaghetti eaters, rag women, tree climbers or riffraff.
Yes, she is the most intolerant, politically incorrect gran on the planet.
But she can be a bit rock & roll at the same time. She washes down her pills during meals with beer or other alcoholic beverages if they are at hand.

You have the right to remain...failed

I honestly thought these things only happened in Police Academy movies or to the bad guys in the A-Team series.
Some boys in blue were heading out to a robbery not far from Antwerp.
They decided to take the tram lane because the regular road was too busy.
Only, they failed to notice there were works going on and the men had just poured out some fresh concrete. Needless to say they got bogged down after a few yards.
I can just imagine the embarrassment they experienced when they called it in.
And the scorn they will have to suffer for years to come...

Le nouveau spring est arrivé!

Well vive to that and an eclair for both of us!

Belgium World Record Holder Government Formation

At midnight Belgium is the World Record Holder. We have gone 249 days without a government after elections.
Although some caution should be exercised. Nepal is right on our heels waiting to snatch the record from us...

I haven't been blogging these last few days because I was all tense, waiting for my exam results.
Finally, an Tuesday at 6.33 pm I got an email saying I could check my results online.
Yeah, right. Me and thousands of other students waiting to find out. Like that would work.
Of course the server crashed big time. Only around 7.35 am Wednesday morning I was able to see them.
And one result was missing too...
Argh.
But now all is well. The missing grade has been retrieved.
It was as expected, all straight A's except the history of history one.
But I will probably be using a special joker card to eradicate that grade and not have to retake the exam. I'll just wait and see what happens during the exams in June. If all is well and I think I can do even better I will retake it. But not sure at the mo.

Belgium World Champion Government Formation

Support our heroic politicians in their attempt to break the mythical world record for the longest coalition talks.

This calls for a celebration! Let's count the days together !

We're having a big party - Thursday 17 February 2011 - Ghent, St.-Jacobs

The world title is within reach for European record-holder Belgium. Already having broken its own 194 day national record for the longest coalition talks, the European record was beaten too, on the date of 7 January 2011. The world record, currently held by the present Iraqi government (249 days), is getting in sight. To get there, the Belgians will need to continue negotiations beyond the 17th of February.

Support this frivolous campaign, which is unrelated to any political, ideological, or philosophical inclination.

Anti-social shopping

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for shoppers using an evironmentally-friendly transport.
What I object to is the anti-social manners that seem to accompany it.
Look at the picture. This is my local supermarket in a backward part of rural Flanders.
See the bike on the left? It totally blocks the entrance! And no owner about.
I stood and watched for a bit. It was comedy capers. Loads of shoppers with carts full careening all over the place, in an effort to avoid the bike.

Greek sacrifice

In light of the economic crisis hitting most European countries, I've been raising both eyebrows when hearing the words 'Greeks' and 'sacrifice'. My imagination has been clouded because I've been studying the Ancients the past couple of terms.
But from the statements found in the media it is very obvious:
“I don’t believe things will get better,” said office clerk Anastasia Griva, 49. “I am not prepared to make more sacrifices because I don’t think these measures will get us out of the crisis."

The office clerck is the voice of the Greek skeptic.

The Greek PM in his speech however: "People stop me on the street to say they are willing to make sacrifices if it can help our country".

Hmmm.

"These sacrifices will give us breathing space and the time we need to make great changes," he added.

Hmmm.

“People are asking for blood,” ALCO pollster Costas Panagopoulos told Reuters.

Blood! Blood!

What kind of sacrifices are we talking about here? Piglets? Rams? Bulls?

Criminally cold

With our government on its arse as it is, Parliament has still passed, almost unanimously, a draft for the law of forbidding the wearing of clothing that obscures the face partially or totally (except on Carnival). Luckily it is not a law as of yet, the wording is very ambigious and it will be amended by the Senate. So it is not going to be turned into a law just yet.
We are going to have elections one way or the other in June anyway. But just supposing, for argument's sake, it would have been a law passed phrased as it was today, I would have been extremely worried. Why? Because I'd never be able to go out in winter without risking a 15 to 25 euro fine (or a 1-7 day prison sentence). It's woolly scarf and bonnet for me pretty much from november 'till march.
So all the people in these pictures would be dirty rotten law breakers. I'd opt for the prison sentence. There's no room anyhow. Or you could just lift the prison door out of its hinges and walk out. Or charter a helicopter to fly you out. The possibilities are endless.

Neighbours get it wrong

I've blogged many a time about my little surrealist confused country. And it's pretty complicated to try and explain to another European what's going on over here. But now we are turning into a world wide mystery.
Even the French and the Dutch have no clue what is going on, let alone telling Flanders apart from the Walloon part or getting to fit all the right provinces into the correct community. Those people at the graphic departments are clearly being fed the wrong information. Two gems from French news TF1 and Dutch news NOS.
This is degenerating into a farce we are all forced to endure. As in 'Union fait la farce'.
I wonder when the puppeteer is going to cut the strings.

It's Caturday

So this guy who thinks very highly of himself was on the radio this morning. He's called Oscar van den Boogaard. Never heard of him before, he's some kind of writer. He was going on about how he was probably still some kind of a catholic, but didn't actually attend church because he thought he didn't need all the magic surrounding religion. And there actually was no need for priests or the church either.

Doens't that make him -er- a protestant?

Oh, and what is all this about (from his personal website): "Oscar van den Boogaard lives in Berlin, Antwerp and Brussels." Is he involved in some kind of time sharing scheme?
What kind of pompous ass puts on his website he lives in three cities simultaneously?
And two of which are only 40 kilometers apart?