Belgium Bastards

Right. I will commence blogging once more. I have just had a 5 day visit from my 83 year old grandmother.
I though she would only stay 2 or 3 days tops, but she stayed almost a full week.
Maybe she misunderstood me when I said I'd be in Belgium from the 11th 'till the 16th; it implied she could pick some dates in between those days. I had to work anyways, except on Monday.
So when she rang me up to confirm whether or not she'd be coming two weeks ago she said: 'Right. So I'll be staying with you from the 11th up until Saturday.'

I could hardly tell her she couldn't stay that long. She wasn't any trouble really, except when she fell over in the middle of the night and I had to pick her up. I had already, as a precaution, removed all possible tripping obstacles. And there are no stairs in the house she could fall off. But she still managed to stub her toe on something and tumble over in the bathroom.

She even accompanied me to the workshop in the morning. On the way there I bought her a newspaper, which she read back to front. Even the street where I live was in the paper on Wednesday due to some vandals spray painting over some roadsigns and a toad. Honestly. Must be those groups of children camping here.

Anyway, granny got on with Mouser like a house on fire. On Friday I brought her home around midday and planted her in the garden. When I got back from work Mouser was lying next to her in the shade, keeping an eye on things.

Sometimes she's very funny, in a Blackadder-sense: being old and annoying people by pretending to be deaf. She's not deaf, really. Her daughter (my mother) insisted she'd wear hearing aids. So she went and bought them. She just pretends she can't hear 'your mother's whining and moaning'.
Sometimes she's very annoying. And blatently racist. Like out in the open. Like pointing to black people and then (in a very loud voice) hurling abuse at them in the most appalling. Then I try to navigate her away from the people she is focussing on.
Not very easy as she's a very slow walker, so I tend to spin her around so she's facing the other way.
Depending on which group she concentrates on she either calls them spaghetti eaters, rag women, tree climbers or riffraff.
Yes, she is the most intolerant, politically incorrect gran on the planet.
But she can be a bit rock & roll at the same time. She washes down her pills during meals with beer or other alcoholic beverages if they are at hand.

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