Shoes full of fail

I have a thing about shoes. When I can do without them, I go about bare foot as much as I can. It's healthy and I'm not wearing the heels down either. Anyway, I don't have the need for shoes inside the house.
I used to wear high heels once in a while, but a bad back makes sure I can't wear them as often as I'd like too.
But I'm very particular about my shoes. They need to be top quality leather, no seams at inconvenient places.

These days I go for comfort, but that does not mean I don't care for style.
There are a lot of comfy shoes out there and some are a good alternative to high heels. Take the ballerina for instance. I don't own a pair, but some can be pretty, if they're the right quality. You don't want to have a pair that makes you look like you've just come from your weekly jazz dance lesson or a pair you'd give your kids and say 'You'll grow into them'. So steer clear from the scrunched ones and avoid square tipped ones too.

But there is rather a big segment of the shoe market I find repulsive to the bitter end, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Just to make sure you won't be in them if the worst comes to the worst, be prepared. So to help you stay out of mischief; here's my top ten of fail shoes.
If you own a pair of these, I wouldn't like to be in your shoes when the fashion police come calling! The cells would be crammed to the ceiling.

Mrs B's Top 10 fugly shoe list:

10) boxer type shoes (boots & shoes): It's not fashion sweety, it's made in China and a cheep look. Those ultra flat soles do not help to get a grip. On reality.

9) Hard wedge sandals: They keep crawling from under the woodwork somehow. Style less.

8) Cowgirl boots: no, no, no. Unless you've got the complete kit you wear to your Saturday evening line dance get together. And it's not cool to wear them under a frilly dress either.

7) Boots under frocks: It didn't even look cool in the eighties you know. Don't ever wear ankle boots or even knee high boots with skirts. It's just silly. It really looks as if you're wearing your winter shoes because you've only got one pair and saving up for some new ones. I couldn't even bring myself to googling for an image.

6) Moon boots: Because you had to wear them as a kid doesn't make it ok now you're fully grown up.

5) 80's shoes: You know what kind. The smooth pumps, the ankle boots with the folds. They've been out of fashion for two decades. If you really want to stick to them: get the matching perm and polka dot dress and leg warmers that go with it.

4) Eskimo boots: Seriously, even elephants have a more elegant straddle wearing those.

3) Gladiator sandals: don't go there. It's not because it's called fashion they actually look nice. No matter how much you shell out for a pair, they still look cheap.

2) Flip flops: I'd like to see you catch a metro in rush hour on those and get back to me how many times someone stepped on your toes. Flip flops are something for tourists to wear when they stroll from their hotel room to the beach and back. Something you actually wouldn't get upset by once you've gone for a swim and on your return found out someone nicked them.

1) Crocks: Ah yes. The shoes I love to hate. You do know you look like a dork going around in those? Even though everyone else is wearing them too. Not even winter crocks (with the woolly inlay) or even crock boots (oh yes, they exist!) are even remotely acceptable. If you've got a pair to walk around the house or in your garden, fine. Pass them off as very practical slip ons if you must. But honestly, someone wearing those, especially morbidly obese people, in public have a very low self esteem. They're, come to think of it, a new version of those white orthopedic slippers and wooden shoes the old folk wear. And nurses. And truckers. And Germans and Dutch on holiday.
Like Birckenstocks. It's not even casual. It's uncasual, if there is such a thing.

No comments: